i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
