It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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