You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
