he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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