fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
