every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
