I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
