Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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