I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
