no. you can't hotbox the world.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
