this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
