I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
