Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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