yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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