Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
