I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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