Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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