She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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