yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
