hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
