PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
