I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize