I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
