Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
