2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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