his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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