i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
