He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
