While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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