wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
