DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
