I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
