dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
time to smoke my breakfast
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
