i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
