if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
