I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
