like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
