so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The feeling are messing with the penis
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
