Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
