My room smells like vodka and shame
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i drank out of a bidet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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