No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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