you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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