At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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