the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
