I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
