Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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