party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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