Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
