1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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