Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
