Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
