Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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