It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
