So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
