Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
