Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
