Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
