Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
