So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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