No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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