i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, beer. Big fan.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
