You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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