you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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