EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
