chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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