WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
