You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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