Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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