I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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