My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize