I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
