On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
