Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
